im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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