This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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