We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
