i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
