You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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