I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
