yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
