i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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