Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
