Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
