A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
