I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
