And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
