Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
