I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
