he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
