it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
