I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
