When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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