i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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