they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
