In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
