Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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