So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
