Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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