Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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