Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
