So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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