Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
