So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
