Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
