Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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