i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
