You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
