my sisters under your porch take her home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
