Three words: puerto rican gang bang
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this boner is exhausting
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
