Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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