the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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