How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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