jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i barfeds in our rink
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
