The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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