p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
