Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
