i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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