the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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