I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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