$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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