Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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