just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
