Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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