yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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