I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
