I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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