mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
