Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
