so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
