Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
