When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
