I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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