i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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