he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
