During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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