shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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