My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
