for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Less talking, more tequila
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
