you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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