I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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