Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just pee around me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
