I think I died a long time ago.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
