D3 body, D1 cock
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
