I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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