You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want nice things and good sex
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
