I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
